6 Rounds With N*SYNC & One Direction 

With the recent shocking news of this kid Zayn abruptly leaving the mega boy band One Direction, I got to thinking about how this affects my life. Naturally. I realized, it doesn’t at all. I’m 28 years old and am proud to say I have come out, relatively unscathed, from my boy band hysteria days. Honestly I don’t know much about 1D. I swear! I know about Harry for obvious reasons. I think there’s a Louie and a Liam in there somewhere and somehow Simon Cowell discovered them. But since one of the members announced his departure from the band I can’t help but feel sympathy for these heartbroken tweens. I’m not exactly sure who Zayn represents in the group and if his loss really matters. Meaning, was he the Justin? The JC? The Chris Kirkpatrick? I think we all know this matters.

Back in the day my band was N*SYNC and my boy was Justin. To say I was obsessed is probably putting it lightly.  I wore (proudly) Justin’s name around my neck and wrist, two pieces of jewelry I purchased at Claire’s Etc. I once slapped my best friend in the face after she said Justin had a big nose. My friends had to console me saying “she didn’t mean it Lauren” and “she’s just trying to upset you.” I assaulted my friend and I was the one being cared to. Shit was no joke. Also, sorry Heather, I hope I’ve apologized since then. But seriously, his nose is perfection. My walls were covered with Tiger Beat posters and when I ran out of wall space I used the ceiling. What can I say, I was not only devoted, I was resourceful.  So my point is, these girls hysterically crying on >>>YouTube <<< and I are kindred spirits.  If I had lost a Justin or a JC or even a Chris Kirkpatrick in the height of my obsession, who knows where I’d be today. Seriously, I might be lying in a gutter somewhere on Skid Row. It would be the story of myyy life. 

So, now that you know where I’m coming from, I thought I’d do some completely unbiased research, no strings attached, and see just how alike these two boy bands are round by round. There can only be one winner!


Round 1: The Girl21658

 

Both bands bagged the two ultimate pop queens. Brit and Taylor. Well, technically Justin never “bagged” Brit. She was totally pure and waited until marriage. What a role model ❤ ❤

Winner: N*SYNC. You can’t compete against Britney Spears circa 1999 and expect to win. God defs spent a little more time on her. Still love you though Tay.


Round 2: The Performances 

 

Sorry 1D but you have nothing on the sick choreography of  N*SYNC and Wade Robinson. It’s cool 1D plays instruments and sing live, but they don’t have the pizazz or the sweet ear mics. Call me crazy but there was nothing better than 5 guys dancing completely IN SYNC on stage. Even if Lance was always a step or two behind.

Winner: N*SYNC. Now you may get down.


Round 3: Puppies…?

I guess teen heart throbs love puppies? Bizarre.

Winner: 1D. There’s something about the way Fatone is cradling that puppy with his flaming red hair.


Round 4: Baby Faces 

Nice shades, Kirk! So young, so innocent. Who knew Joey Fatone would one day be the announcer on Family Fued and poor Zayn would leave the group due to “exhaustion”?

Winner: 1D. Between the shades, Lance’s crossed eyes and JC’s paten leather coat…I can’t.


Round 5: Embarrassing Photos

I mean. What the hell is this?

Winner: N*SYNC. Hands down.


Round 6: The Maker

Both have insane talent scouting skills. Lou Pearlman has a definite creep factor and is also serving a 25 year sentence for fraud. Simon Cowell is kind of a dick but seems way more profesh and easier to work for.

Winner: N*SYNC. Kudos to the boys to survive working as what now seemed like somewhat of a puppy mill for boy bands.


And after 6  rounds the winner is….N*SYNC.

I tried to be as unbiased as I possibly could! Also, now that 1D is down to four members it looks even worse for them. Case and point: 98 Degrees and BSB after Kevin left. They do alright, but ultimately the dynamics are just all wrong. Good luck boys!

Well guys, I’m checkin’ out, I’m signing’ off. Bye Bye Bye!

Xo Lauren

 6 Struggles Transitioning From Winter To Spring

Hi Friends!

Let’s be real, we are all welcoming Spring with open arms this year. Adios Winter, we are happy to see you go. I for one, love spring no matter the year. It’s a beautiful time! Birds chirping, flowers blooming, hibernation ending. Us girls seem to go through a bit of a routine every seasonal transition, and Winter to Spring is no different. After the high of warmer weather wears off a bit we start to face reality of what that warmer weather actually entails. Let’s talk about these struggles, shall we?


 1. Consistently Shaving

For the next six months gone are the days of shaving once every two weeks. This sucks but at least our legs will be tan. It’s a nice trade off.


 2. Closet Cleaning

If my closet was half as cool as Carrie Bradshaw’s I’d have no problem packing up the Winter sweaters and hanging up my summer dresses. But it’s not. It consists of a too small single rack and storage bins under my bed. I sweat and at no time do I get to break for a video montage. Okay. Maybe I do. But afterwards I’m embarrassed for myself. At any rate, I do not look forward to the closet transition.


3. Pale Skin Awareness

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Every single article of clothing looks better on with a tan. Although Summer is right around the corner, we’re all still pasty white. So ya, you can put on that tank or crop top but you’ll probably blend in with the remaining snow in the ground.


 4. Bathing Suits So this is true for me year round. But especially right after Winter. Nothing’s worse than trying on two pieces after your body goes through a long, hard Winter.


 5. Bye Bye Uggs  Look, I know it’s like, un-cool to like Uggs these days. But ya know what? I effing love them and will shed a tear the first time my ankles start to sweat in them. Because that only means it’s time for them to be put away.


6. Favorite TV Shows Hiatus

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This one is not gender specific. It hits us all the same exact time. But if you’re anything like me, it hits hard. With shows like Girls and The Walking Dead ending, what the eff am I supposed to do with my Sunday nights?


I’m really not trying to suck the life out of Spring and warm weather already! After all, it is just a matter of time before we all start complaining about how friggin’ hot it is and can’t wait for sweatshirt season to arrive.  But alas, Spring is upon us and these are the harsh struggles we all will need to deal with.  Life can be so tough sometimes.  sigh.  Hopefully all this negativity will wear off as soon as I get my first tan line.  eek!

Lots of love! Lauren xo

Lips: The Good, The Bad And The Surgically Enhanced. 

Hi guys! 

Let’s talk lips. They’ve made a serious comeback as of late haven’t they? I credit duck face selfies. First the lips then the eyebrows. Both are so hot right now (yay for Zoolander 2!) But for  right now, let’s stick to lips. It is National Lips Day after all! 

The following is a list, according to me, of the best pouts, past and present. Some make me jealous, some make me hot and bothered and some make me queasy. Enjoy! 

Julia Roberts

Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Duh. Jealous. 

Slash

What.a.stud. I know I shouldn’t like, glamorize smoking (guess what! It’s bad for you!) but I mean…is it just me? He looks so hot, so rock ‘n’ roll. Hot.and.bothered. 

Angie 



Angie’s lips. The ultimate. Brad saw those things and finally saw what he’d been missing in Jen. Poor Jen and her thin, nonexistent upper lip. Tough break Jen, tough break. Jealous. 

Miley Cyrus

Put your tongue away, missy! Where is your mother?! We saw way too much of these smackers In 2013/2014. From her inappropriate mtv performance to her inappropriate concert antics. I’m all for a girl expressing herself but seriously Miley. Queasy. 

Elvis

Forget the hips, look at those lips! The curve of his upper and fullness of the bottom…yikes sorry. Was having a moment there. Hot and bothered. 

Lana Del Rey

My Lana. My unconditional love for her aside. My gratitude towards her for making music that has become part of my DNA aside.  Her lips are the cats meow. The bees knees. All that and a bag of chips. etc, etc. Jealous/hot and bothered. 

Steven Tyler 

Some women, my mother included, find him sexy. I do not. I don’t see it. I don’t get it. But in any event, he’s got an enormous mouth and famous lips. Queasy. 

Kylie 

Are they real? Are they fake? Kinda like Kim’s butt, they came outta nowhere and were plastered all over the Internet. Homegirl needed an edge, with Kendall killing it as an international supermodel and stuff. I gotta be honest though…Jealous. 

Farrah Abraham 

Poor girl. Botched plastic surgery is the pits. I’m only assuming for now, I’ll let you know when I get my lypo and facelift in 20 years. But seriously Farrah, cut the shit. You’re a pretty girl and if you’re not careful you’ll end up like Heidi Montag. Queasy. 

Brigitte Bardot 

Songs have been written in her honor, paintings inspired by her and America pretty much has her to thank (or condemn) for popularizing the teeny bikini. Ms. Bardot was an international sex symbol in the 50s and 60s and for good reason. Mostly, the lips. Men would kill to kiss them and women would kill to have them. Myself included. Jealous. 

Today we use lipstick in any color, glosses, plumpers, liners, fat from our butt and fillers to satisfy our need for amazing lips. Whatever you do or whatever you don’t do, let’s salute being girls and being able to pretty up our pouts any way we want! Whoa, am I a feminist? I’m beginning to think..maybe? 

Kissey Face! Xo Lauren 

My Love Letter To Barbie

Today is National Barbie Day. I’d like to  use this opportunity to give my sincerest thanks and gratitude to the baddest bitch that ever was. I literally played with Barbie’s until I was 15. I’d shut and lock my bedroom door, ashamed at myself while I dug out my storage bin full of Barbie’s and Barbie accessories. Well ya know what, I’m 28 now and I’m not ashamed anymore. I follow Barbie on Instagram for gods sake. But it’s cool because she hangs out with super cool bloggers and fashion designers…That’s right, she may be plastic, she may be the reason I have low self esteem but I love her anyways.

I was always trying to grow up too fast when I was a kid. I was always wishing I was 16 or 18 or 21. I was always wishing I was at the Prom or in my own apartment in Malibu or driving around in my soft top convertible. I wish I hadn’t wished so much, but that’s for a different blog on a different day. Anyways…I know people say we love Barbie because she taught little girls that we can be President or Astronauts or Vetinarians but I think I love Barbie because she let me actually just be a little girl. Plus, never once did I pretend she was President. She was always like, an actress. Duh.

Barbie let me pretend, and I sure loved to pretend. I remember before actually playing, I always had to set the scene. “Okay, we’re in Malibu and we’ve just been invited to a  big fancy Ball.” Aaaand go! And her name was never actually Barbie, it was like Stacey or Courtney or Kimberly. And Ken was never Ken, yuck! It was obvs Brad or Chad or Joey (only Joey if I got stuck with the NKOTB limited edition).  I’d set up the whole “apartment”, building the kitchen and bedrooms around the fake walls on my bedroom floor. If you can’t already tell, these are really fond memories. Seriously, I’m like getting a little emotional.

She had the best clothes, the best accessories and the best life. Of course this is because her life was whatever I dreamed up that day, but still.  She let me be creative, in the way that I wanted to be creative. Not like making macaroni necklaces in art class because I really didn’t give a shit about that stuff.   It never occurred to me that Barbie’s waist and boobs and hair was creating an unrealistic body image for girls.  Probably because she’s ten inches tall and that alone kind of creates a red flag.  I’m totally against the “real body” Barbie revolution happening.  Sorry.  It’s just that, at what point do we as human beings stop and say “this is stupid.” Ya Barbie has a tiny waist, she’s a freakin’ doll.  Let’s stop blaming Barbie for the job us women should be doing.  Which is empowering each other and creating our own self esteem standards.  Let’s all just relax and go to the gym. Or not. Eat a pizza. Who cares. Let’s just be happy.

To this day I still have that storage bin full of Barbie’s and Barbie accessories. My three nieces play with it all now. I almost lost it a few years back when I was in Toys ‘R’ Us. The three aisles dedicated to Barbie that I remember had been reduced to half an aisle in the back corner of the store by the bathrooms. Poor Barbie. At least she still has a day dedicated to her. And 638K Instagram followers. And inspired an entire Moschino line (which I’m totally obsessed with). Lucky bitch. Thanks for everything Barbs! Xoxo 143 4Eva!!


Xo Lauren

50 Shades Of Emotions

Hi Friends!

So last weekend I saw 50 Shades of Grey.  Ya I know.  I will admit that I read the first book a few summers ago when it was all the rage.  Just the first book.  I could barely get through it.  I felt like I couldn’t bear to read the final two.  I get it, you have amazing sex with amazing orgasms every time (give me a break) with an insanely hot billionaire (eye roll).  I was curious though, how would it play out on the big screen? How could they capture the essence that is Christian Grey depicted in the book? I found out that they really could not.

The following is a list of emotions I had while screening 50 Shades.


  • Excitement.  I was excited to make a girls night of it with, who else, Irina.  Drinks, dinner and a movie.  Perfect date night.  Thank god it was with her and not the opposite sex.  I would have literally died watching this movie with anyone but another female.
  • Comfort.  Ummm unbeknownst to me our local theater was remodeled.  I sat in basically the most comfortable recliner of my life with double the personal space than before.
  • Awkwardness. The movie. It’s awkward. Like, it’s all too much. When Ana asks “what’s that?” And Christian says “it’s a flogger” I almost died. I don’t even know what the hell a flogger is but it sounds terrible. And the fact that I just heard it come out of someone else’s mouth makes me want to crawl in a hole and die. Also, all of the women laughing hysterically out of awkwardness is so awkward. Can we all just be quiet and pretend we aren’t all in the same room together?
  • Annoyance. The couple next to me wouldn’t stop talking. He went to the bathroom and when he returned she needed to tell him everything he missed. He literally missed Christian spanking Ana over his knee. I had to relive the whole thing again.
  • Musical. The soundtrack is the bomb.
  • Pleasantly Surprised. Honestly, Dakota Johnson wasn’t half bad.  The movie had bits and pieces of comedic relief and most of the time it came from her.  In my mind I pictured Ana slightly different, maybe with like sharper features…if that makes any sense.  Johnson was a little too mousy for me but over all she kind of nailed Ms. Steele.
  • Disappointment. Poor Jamie Dornan. He’s so insanely cute. He’s not right for Christian Grey. His mouth does this weird curling down thing when he smiles, it’s not Christian Grey. He doesn’t have the jawline or the five o’clock shadow or the piercing eyes. But who does? Christian Grey is a guy every woman (and some men) have dreamed up and you just can’t put a real life face to it. Okay maybe I can. Matt Bomer. Liam Hemsworth.
  • Self Doubt. What have I become? Am I a prude? Why is no one else covering their eyes at the soft core porn on the screen? Is this normal?
  • Drowsy. I fell asleep. I awoke disoriented to the scrolling credits. I think I only missed the last 5 or so minutes. Around the part Christian took a heavy leather belt to Ana’s bare ass and made her count it out. I blame the new recliners. And the movie.

Laterz Baby.

Xo Lauren

World Wildlife Day

Today is World Wildlife Day. Did you know? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t because technically it’s only the second year we are observing it. The United Nations declared this day back in 2013.

WWD

Anyone that knows me (Irina, here), knows that I am obsessed with animals. Is it tacky to say I just feel a really deep connection with them? It’s just this unspoken understanding- pretty magical. OK, I’m getting mushy now. See what I mean? Obsessed. (As I’m typing this my kitty is asleep on my lap).

WWD

I chose to create a charitable line of necklaces last year because I personally wanted to use my business for good and helping wildlife is the most honest and genuine thing I could do. Nearly a year later, I’m so happy I chose to support the Wildlife Conservation Network. I have even connected with an amazing fellow animal lover and now friend, Katherine Schwarzenegger. We joined forces today to bring attention to the Wildlife Conservation Network and the Elephant Crisis Fund. I don’t want to plagiarize Katherine’s words, so let me just say go >> here << to learn more about WCN, the Elephant Crisis Fund and our partnership. It’s a great read, really.

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What I can sum up is that Elephants are in dire need due to cruel poaching for their ivory. I want to make a change and I need your help! Here’s my end of the deal: I pledge to donate 60% of proceeds from each sale of the “Be Kind”, “Do Good”, and “Live As One” Wildlife Necklace. This is 10% more than our usual donation of 50% and will be happening Tuesday, March 3rd- Friday, March 6th in honor of World Wildlife Day. Please buy a necklace in support of this unbelievably important cause. Thank you!

be kind it feels better

Xo, Irina