With the recent shocking news of this kid Zayn abruptly leaving the mega boy band One Direction, I got to thinking about how this affects my life. Naturally. I realized, it doesn’t at all. I’m 28 years old and am proud to say I have come out, relatively unscathed, from my boy band hysteria days. Honestly I don’t know much about 1D. I swear! I know about Harry for obvious reasons. I think there’s a Louie and a Liam in there somewhere and somehow Simon Cowell discovered them. But since one of the members announced his departure from the band I can’t help but feel sympathy for these heartbroken tweens. I’m not exactly sure who Zayn represents in the group and if his loss really matters. Meaning, was he the Justin? The JC? The Chris Kirkpatrick? I think we all know this matters.
Back in the day my band was N*SYNC and my boy was Justin. To say I was obsessed is probably putting it lightly. I wore (proudly) Justin’s name around my neck and wrist, two pieces of jewelry I purchased at Claire’s Etc. I once slapped my best friend in the face after she said Justin had a big nose. My friends had to console me saying “she didn’t mean it Lauren” and “she’s just trying to upset you.” I assaulted my friend and I was the one being cared to. Shit was no joke. Also, sorry Heather, I hope I’ve apologized since then. But seriously, his nose is perfection. My walls were covered with Tiger Beat posters and when I ran out of wall space I used the ceiling. What can I say, I was not only devoted, I was resourceful. So my point is, these girls hysterically crying on >>>YouTube <<< and I are kindred spirits. If I had lost a Justin or a JC or even a Chris Kirkpatrick in the height of my obsession, who knows where I’d be today. Seriously, I might be lying in a gutter somewhere on Skid Row. It would be the story of myyy life.
So, now that you know where I’m coming from, I thought I’d do some completely unbiased research, no strings attached, and see just how alike these two boy bands are round by round. There can only be one winner!
Both bands bagged the two ultimate pop queens. Brit and Taylor. Well, technically Justin never “bagged” Brit. She was totally pure and waited until marriage. What a role model ❤ ❤
Winner: N*SYNC. You can’t compete against Britney Spears circa 1999 and expect to win. God defs spent a little more time on her. Still love you though Tay.
Round 2: The Performances
Sorry 1D but you have nothing on the sick choreography of N*SYNC and Wade Robinson. It’s cool 1D plays instruments and sing live, but they don’t have the pizazz or the sweet ear mics. Call me crazy but there was nothing better than 5 guys dancing completely IN SYNC on stage. Even if Lance was always a step or two behind.
Winner: N*SYNC. Now you may get down.
Round 3: Puppies…?
I guess teen heart throbs love puppies? Bizarre.
Winner: 1D. There’s something about the way Fatone is cradling that puppy with his flaming red hair.
Round 4: Baby Faces
Nice shades, Kirk! So young, so innocent. Who knew Joey Fatone would one day be the announcer on Family Fued and poor Zayn would leave the group due to “exhaustion”?
Winner: 1D. Between the shades, Lance’s crossed eyes and JC’s paten leather coat…I can’t.
Round 5: Embarrassing Photos
I mean. What the hell is this?
Winner: N*SYNC. Hands down.
Round 6: The Maker
Both have insane talent scouting skills. Lou Pearlman has a definite creep factor and is also serving a 25 year sentence for fraud. Simon Cowell is kind of a dick but seems way more profesh and easier to work for.
Winner: N*SYNC. Kudos to the boys to survive working as what now seemed like somewhat of a puppy mill for boy bands.
And after 6 rounds the winner is….N*SYNC.
I tried to be as unbiased as I possibly could! Also, now that 1D is down to four members it looks even worse for them. Case and point: 98 Degrees and BSB after Kevin left. They do alright, but ultimately the dynamics are just all wrong. Good luck boys!
Well guys, I’m checkin’ out, I’m signing’ off. Bye Bye Bye!