Kimmy Turns 35! Happy Birthday KiKi!!!

Hi Friends!

My name is Lauren and I’m a Kim Kardashian West-aholic. Alright alright I admit it. I’ve heard the first step in the recovery process is to admit your addiction. That is, if the addict is admitting they are in need of recovery. Don’t even try and call Jeff Van Vonderen because I’m nowhere near rock bottom. I’m not even convinced there is a rock bottom to my addiction. Especially not today, on Mrs. West’s 35th birthday.

I’m not like trying to be cool here. In fact, I think it’s probably pretty uncool to openly admit to being a Kimaholic. It’s like, totally shallow and basic to enjoy such superficial and materialistic things like the Kardashians makeup, hair and life in general.  After all, there are people dying Kim, let’s not cry over lost diamonds at the bottom of the Carribean Ocean. True, there are horrific things happening in the world everyday but also, those earrings were like really expensive and I would be inconsolable. Way to go Hump. Perhaps I KUWTK’s to escape the real world shit and indulge in Kim’s reality. Sue me.

The following is a list of genuine, I-Don’t-Care-What-Anyone-Says, reasons why I love Kimmy. Because, like, I’m totally a Kim. Enjoy!


Because North.

Ugly Cry

Because even KiKi can’t escape the need for a good ugly cry.


Because I don’t have to deal with how terrible psoriasis sounds, but Kim does.


 Because sometimes you just gotta lay in your spanx.

 Celine Sunnies

 Because these are everything.


 Because I love it so much when she’s pregnant. But not like in a weird fetish way.

“I Used To Be So Thin”

 Because she’s a girl and girls do this.

Taste In Music

 Because this one picture makes my entire life complete.

Detective Work


Because she’s a Benson.


 Because how the eff did we apply makeup before Kim showed us the glorious world of contouring?

This Dress.

 Because I still have dreams I was invited to her bachelorette party in Paris wearing this piece of art.

Unapologetic Vanity

pictures animated GIF

Because when the lighting is amazing, jail time is irrelevant.

Her Previous Life


Because Paris Hilton please don’t talk ever.

Figure (Booty/ Boobs)  Because sorry Megan Trainor, but Kim brought the booty back AND took it up another level with the boobs. Thank god. (I happen to have both)

Experience With Loss

 Because she’s human and even Kim has lost loved ones.

Mixed CDs

 Because in this Stones article she admits to still making mix CDs. And like, I too still make mixed CDs. Twinsiessss.

I’m not expecting a Pulitzer for this gem of a post or anything. I’m not moving mountains with my radical reasons for obsessing over a reality star. But I will continue to defend Kim. Look, say or think whatever you want about the girl but one thing is undeniable…Kimmy is in it for the long haul. She’s taken a raunchy sex tape made a million years ago (who cares) and built an empire. And as women, we can’t just hate someone for making a sex tape with an ex. That’s like the rules of Feminism. So in conclusion, Happy Birthday Mrs. West! Please continue to provide me with perfect selfies and pictures of Nori. But please, no more blonde hair. Love ya!

Until Next Time!

Xo Lauren

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