Currently NOT Crushing: Ryan Lochte

Hi Friends!

I try my best to always keep it positive around here. Why dedicate my energy and time writing about something negative? Why waste the time when the time could be spent on something positive? Today I make an exception. Today is dedicated to the douchiest of douches. That person, my friends, is Ryan Lochte. 

As I’m sure you know -since the media has shoved it down our throats- while in Rio Lochte got caught in a huge lie. A big ‘ol fat fabricated story about a robbery at gunpoint. He used the already prevalent fear of unrest that the public has (warranted or not) for the city of Rio and manipulated it (at least tried to) against us.

That bothers me, but what bothers me the most is that he totally believed he would get away with it. Would the general public have even found out about his bathroom vandalism had he not willingly given an interview to the journalistic genius, Billy Bush? Was he THAT nervous about a story breaking in which he broke a gas station’s bathroom door? No. He’s an attention whore and he’s a douchebag who was probably seething with jealously over all the airtime baby Boomer Phelps and Simone Biles selfie with Zac Efron were getting.

I’m currently not crushing so hard on Lochte. And guess what? As you’ll see below, Ryan has been working on his lame game way before he landed in Rio for the summer games.


Ryan wearing this outfit.


Ryan failing at the simplest, most cliche photo. Ever.


Ryan, like I really don’t like you.

Image result for ryan lochte pee gold gif

Ryan wearing his diamond encrusted grillz.

Ryan obvs practiced duck face for hours before this.

Ryan of course would hang with another super douche.


Sorry Ryan, N*Sync broke up and you can’t be Chris Kirkpatrick.


Nobody wants to hear you speak – let alone say ‘jeah’

Ryan fake crying while he ‘apologizes’ during interview with Matt Lauer.


Who’s got bets on Ryan’s next move? Put me down for a stint in rehab. He must have said the word ‘intoxicated’ at least 5 times during his sit down. Hey, it worked for Phelps. Did Phelps ever lie to Matt Lauer and Billy Bush’s faces, though? That’s like, a sin. Maybe Ryan would have been better off speaking exclusively to Brian Williams – his fact checking is less than stellar.

Until Next Time…and hopefully on a more positive note!

xo Lauren

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